Love

House Divided

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When your hanging out with your significant other, do you find that you’re often talking to yourself? More often than not, when couples spend time together, research indicates they’re rarely alone.

Whether it’s looking at the latest scores for fantasy football or lurking the halls of Facebook to get glimpses of friends’ pics, moments like these can make our partner feel like we’ve chosen our smartphone over them and it can damage our relationship.

Phone + snubbing = phubbing
Researchers have recently given this bad behavior a name: Phubbing (phone + snubbing). Phubbing happens when one person checks a phone, in essence snubbing their partner, when they are supposed to be hanging out together. A study by Brandon McDaniel and Sarah Coyne published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture found that of the women surveyed who were in a romantic relationship, 62 percent of them said phubbing happened to them daily. As many as 1 in 3 said their partner pulled out the phone during meals together, and 25 percent said their loved one sent text messages or emails to other people while they were having a face-to-face conversation.

Break the phone addiction
The fallout of these tiny choices in our relationships is real—often leaving the other person feeling insecure that they are boring or frustrated that they are not getting the attention they want. In the study published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 70 percent of participants said that phubbing harmed their ability to interact with their romantic partners.

Marriage and relationship researcher John Gottman, Ph.D., has found that couples with flourishing relationships have a positivity ratio of 5:1, and that a negative event (like being phubbed by your partner, for instance) necessitates five positive interactions to balance it out. Better not to phub in the first place!

Here are a few ideas to break the habit:

1. Establish tech-free times 

Pick the times of day when everyone has the highest chances of connecting in person, like car rides or dinner times, and make sure the phones are stashed. 

2. Ring in the good times 

Give the babysitter a special ringtone so you don’t have to check every call. Create a sacred space for date nights by getting the phones off the table. A study from the University of Essex found that having a smartphone on the table during a face-to-face conversation reduces feelings of closeness, trust and relationship quality. 

3. Tuck it in 

Don’t bring your phone to bed with you. Tuck it into its own recharging station away from the bedroom. 

phone, love, relationship, habit